You might hear of a therapist assigning a client an exercise, or task, in which they have a conversation between conflicting parts of themselves. It is normal to feel like we engage in inner-conflict on a daily basis, where different parts of ourselves want or need different things. The part of you that needs comfort and soothing may crave a quick fix through “compulsive behaviors,” whereas another part of you that has goals for a more balanced and peaceful lifestyle wants you to work through those cravings without acting on them. For people with mental health challenges that are working towards change, there may be a conflict in whether or not they want to recover from their illness that has created so much pseudo-comfort for them throughout time. For many clients, this is much easier said than done.
To address the stressful and gridlocked nature of this inner conflict, therapists may suggest the client allow the two conflicting parts of themselves to engage in a conversation. It may begin with just a few sentences, but eventually the hope is that this dialogue carries on longer and curates depth. Usually, this is written down on paper so the client can reflect on the conversation between these sides of themselves. The ultimate goal is to be able to learn more about these sides of yourself, where they come from, where the conflict really lies, as well as any other insights to your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
For an example of how this is used in therapy, we can reference this excerpt from the chapter “Your healthy self will heal your eating-disorder self” from the book 8 Keys to Recovering from an Eating Disorder (Costin & Glabb, 2012).
ED Self: Today I have to be perfect… not one calorie more than my allotment. I’m only allowing myself a small salad all day with no dressing, gym right after, and no extras. I have to make up for what I ate yesterday… I have no excuse for eating as much as I did. I’m so weak when I’m around other people. I should say no when people ask me out.
Healthy Self: Do you really think it would make you happy to sit home alone just so you don't have to eat with people? That sounds like a sad life. Your lunch was fine. You can't just eat salad for the rest of your life and there is no need to. You have trained yourself to feel guilty for eating and have forgotten what is really important to you.
Do you feel like there are conflicting parts of yourself that might need to have a conversation?